Guardians of the Cedars - National Lebanese Movement
Central Directorate

        Commenting on the dire situation the forsaken Taef republic has reached, the Guardians of the Cedars National Lebanese Movement issued the following communiqué:

        No sooner had the tempest created by the civil marriage proposal calmed down than the quarrel between the brass hats of the Taef gang regained in intensity and reached the point of no return. This necessitated their habitual summons to Damascus in order to inject them with tranquilizers in order to span the remainder of their mandate without major accidents.

        It would be a mistake to believe that the reconciliation would be serious and effective because the cohabitation of the Taef gang, brass hats is based on political adultery, or on coercion and can only end in divorce.

        It would also be a mistake to believe that Syrian efforts, however earnest and intense can succeed in bridging the chasm afflicting this three-headed monster called the Taef Republic, or to drive some vigor into the freak that is the Taef Troika which is in constant need of intensive care and continuous injections of Syrian serum.

        An even bigger mistake is to believe that replacing the present President of the this Republic with another under the current Syrian occupation will move the Lebanese from the present period of obscurity into one of light. Nor would it contribute in improving the plight of this palsied Republic because the conditions which brought it to this state are still the same. Indeed, as long as Lebanon remains plunged in the sister's and sister's quagmire which have transformed him, by means of a bunch of perverted thinkers and politicians, into a consumed and tattered State, more akin to a hornet's nest than to a State in the political sense universally accepted.

The head of the Troika has at last acknowledged; but after the edifice has tumbled down, that a three-headed State cannot survive, thereby recognizing what we have constantly repeated these past eight years. The difference between us is that our Statement proceeded solely from our diagnosis of the illness based on the nation's interests, whereas his conclusion arose solely from his petty personal interests.

As for his allegation that he saved Lebanon, comparing himself to the Prophet Elias, it is the summit of insolence and disrespect. Everyone knows that he participated more than anyone else in crucifying Lebanon on the calvary of subordination to Syria and that he and his gang have committed the crime of high treason against the land and the nation. Consequently, we hereby remind whom it may concern that the Prophet Elias, who killed the priests of Baal because they desecrated the Temple, will return to eliminate the priests of Taef who have desecrated the Lebanon.

At the service of Lebanon,

The Chief,
Etienne Sacre